Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
