I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
