After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
