I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
