i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
