I have demons in me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
