She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
