i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
