I want to have your abortion
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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