I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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