when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
