You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
