Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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