Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
