someone get that fucking seahorse.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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