Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Actions speak louder than pants.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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