addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Can Purell be used as lube?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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