I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
worst night to have a conscience
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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