I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
