dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
