i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I have demons in me.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
