I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
