At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Where is the hickey?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
