The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
