I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
