No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
