that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
