Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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