remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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