it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
