you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
