pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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