you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
