I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
