TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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