Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
