I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
