Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
