Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
