is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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