dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
