I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
