we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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