before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
