walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
