I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
