My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
