i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
