Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
