She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
